alas this love

today was my first day of work for the summer. the start of a new chapter. i pretty much mopped floors and stacked chairs all day long. i feel immensely blessed with this job, actually.

oh, get this- the BC Lions are going to live at my school, for a couple weeks!! ah! i wish that i was a fan of CFL so i could care. alas.

i went to this birthday party last night, full of beautiful, trendy, uppermiddle class vegan people, in a big artsy house. and as luck would have it, i was wearing a trucker hat.

which, as irony dictates, is what i always get stuck wearing everytime i find myself in the strange world of the well off. man, i swear, i am a walking irony.

so, i don't know how weird i'm supposed to feel when i end up at a trendy people gathering. i have never considered myself all that trendy, thus have never thought i could feel welcome in those places. i kept expecting them to realize what i really was, and send me on my way.

ha ha, no, i'm joking (i'm so down on myself today. what the heck?)

eventually i wandered outside and hung out with derek weiss, who was telling me stories about zen. that was pretty cool.

hm. and my life is still in suspension. i'm waiting to settle into some kind of balance, that is supposed to present itself. and i'm still wondering if what i'm looking for is right. i'm not sure if the things i seek are all that worth seeking sometimes. i might be wasting my time.

oh well. note to self- throw away trucker hats. and unfair assumptions of life and people.