I think way too much

Summer is a very erratic time in life, in terms of keeping ourselves together and knowing exactly where we stand. Summertime seems more like a rush of enjoying whatever life we can, then stopping to think about how we were changing later on.

It sounds wise, but this is really more of a question for me than a statement, acknowledging some kind of arrival. I'm just about ready for summer to be over.

So, this is what I have been upto in the last while:

1) Driving down to the Oregon coast for a couple days. I definitely did not see enough of it.
2) Picking up the new Relient K EP, and more copies of books that were written for the sake of giving away (Blue like Jazz, and Captivating).
3) Sitting in my office for hours.
4) Writing a book. Kind of.
5) Not paying bills.
6) Missing writing. A lot.
7) Planning an outdoor concert for september.

I'm really looking forward to relaxing this weekend, cleaning up and curling up on the couch with a warm blanket to watch 'Dan in Real Life' over a pot of green tea... Although, realistically, I seem to enjoy the idea of moments like these instead of the moments themselves (Grrr. bittersweet irony).

I'm also looking forward to seeing radiohead, in the next couple weeks.

As far as I go, I've been feeling a bit hurt. Maybe it has something to do with me not going home to Nanaimo this summer, or with the fact that I'm giving a talk to my church next month about hurt, introduced with the statement "You won't really find healing unless you admit you are broken" (by you I mean 'I'). I'm sure it has everything to do with being apart from friends too, which is something life demands as a necessity every so often.

How is your summer going, by the way?

Later.

late spring, early summer

Summer is a really slow time in life, I am discovering. Everyone I know either lives way too far away, or works a lot. And me and all my friends seem to spend our summers growing apart from each other.

Which kind of sucks, in my mind. There is not a lot to write about without friends.

My friend asked me, via a letter, if "it is harder or more hurtful to dream... does it hurt more now than when we were kids because we have lost a significant chunk of our faith/hope"? I'm not completely sure.

Apart from being with people, it is difficult to have faith/hope. I would like to think that when I grow up I'm not going to just lose child-likeness because of too much harsh reality. If anything, I should be allowed to hope for better things, or to hope for the same things in better and creative ways...

as opposed to living a life-less existence of a summer. It is true that creativity is not always valued in the day-to-day summer life of work, but I also think that a lot can be learned from this idea of a 'sacred ordinary'- that there is great truth in the everyday of life.

A long time ago I brought up the idea of a 'grace in imperfection'- almost as if to say that life is enjoyed more imperfectly, not stressing out about the bad stuff but just enjoying it as a whole. For me, thinking about life in these terms just seems to take a great weight off of me, and reminds me that we really should enjoy life... not just 'get through' it.

This is all to say I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with summers, when all the people I really like aren't around to talk about all this with. Summers have always been an inbetween thing for me- lived between the seeing and the missing of friends.

So whatever. In a couple weeks I'm driving down to the Oregon coast for a couple days. If you have any ideas for how I can get creatively inspired these weeks, let me know. I'll do the same.

later


Listening to: John Legend- come home.

in the office, by the phone

"We are becoming a people accustomed to ugliness. Most people most of the time have strong feelings about beauty, order, and harmony, and at some level are wounded by their absence"

- David Orr, Geez Magazine, Summer 2006.

~

Watching: Paris, je' taime (ah. this movie is like poetry. watch it soon).