All that noise, and all that sound,

... sometimes the day keeps me up all night.
and i wonder if its worth staying here.
call my bluff, i'm not alright. i'm running away.
I just need a place that sleep calls home.

so, for the past week i have been working like a madman, trying to plan a concert, finish work, and figure out Student Council information all at once.

I wasn't able to get the last three days of summer off, which means i have to miss every single Leadership Training meeting- thus it also means that i have no effing idea what i am doing.

Anyway, deep sigh, as you can see i still haven't had anything interesting to say in over a week. This is a weird sensation for me, a guy who likes to keep his online journal very up to date. This could, in the end, be my downfall... my generalized writing style is starting to rub off into my real journaling (the kind with paper). So my personal wrestlings, which are not meant to grace the pages of an online journal, are starting to get less honest and more vague. hm.

I'm starting to feel the downness of being too busy. I wish i had/really want a couple days to slow down and reflect... it would be a shame to let an entire summer of insight just go to waste- or to just shrug off the precious details in the rush of starting a new chapter. bleh.

If you know me please ask me for a conversation. If you don't know me, we'll have to fix that... send me an e-mail or something.

talk to you later.

reprise;

try this link- i think it actually works now. we'll see;

Midlake

moving helps to make the day seem shorter

I still really have nothing to write about... sooo

stuff that makes life feel like home-

- my new townhouse (right beside my old one, which was considerable louder).
- a pot of tea everyday after work. today it was an orange spice, from EA.
- writing... which i have not done all week. gah. no wonder i feel so disconnected.
- school, which starts in just over a week.
- new faces... you get a lot of those at a college...
- by the way, some of the new students came early, thus the "new faces".

- Leaning over the side of a pier and seeing a big seal rush by, ten feet away (that was cool).
- not spending 17 bucks for a small pizza (effing Boston Pizza... so expensive).

- coffee from peru. which i haven't had in a week... again, disconnected.
- Blaga Dimitrova. And Anne Lamont.
- And, Madeleine L'Engle.
- Midlake
- The first five seconds out the door before work, getting to breathe in fresh air. mmm.

- Dirty dishes and piles of books on my desk and coffee table.
- Not my coffee table... it has a glass top, and gold painted steel legs... shudder. I do not like glass coffee tables.
- Alexander Keith's


- My broken hammock.
- Learning to write shorter, more concise, less pointless entries (not to mention, less emo).
- My artsy fair-trade paper journal which i carelessly use for personal stuff.
- Tomatoes and Pasta, with grated garlic and parmesan cheese.
- My mom's pizza... which i haven't eaten in over a year.
- The five seconds after a conversation on a moonlit dock at midnight... realizing how beautiful the person you are talking to is.

-Writing... which I need to do more often. As soon as I have something to write about... we'll see.

later

-Adam

PS- I did have something to write about- a latenight roadtrip to Whiterock, and a huge dock- but meh. it didn't come to me until just now. it happens.

waiting is lame

I really have nothing to write about... (thus, my absence). soooo

Only a week and a half until school. Woot.

I can't wait. At all. So instead I'm filling the time between now and then with buying old books and cheap t-shirts. Being a twentysomething is not so bad.

four walls and lonely evenings

cry, blaga dimitrova

When will you come to me?
When I have gone,
and my departing steps
echo distantly?
When will you be with me?
When you've been immured
within the four walls
of your lonely evening?

When will you discover me?
When I pass by
pressed close against another,
my eyes cast down?
When will you call my name?
Only when you see
you are losing me - a stranger,
remote, unknown?

Love me fully now,
When I love you!
While I am yours
crave me, long for me,
reach out your open hands
while I will run to you.
For tomorrow will be late
and beyond repair.

cold chai and contradictory lines

I climbed this hill, this time last summer.




(i write a lot of love poems about no-one. this is one of them).

the day i spent with you was like memories,
as captivating as the day it was painted
with fingerprints and intentional imperfections,
and opposite lines to divide our hands.

in the scheme of things we look like we were patched together
with undefined insights, and a question mark,
with tired brush strokes, and saddened afterthought.
painted together in a late blue period,
between the renaissance and the age of reason.

behind the subtle shades of expectation,
an artist has drawn you back to me.
an illogical placement of colors falls together,
and our faces are drawn out with contradictory lines.

me and all my friends

yesterday was probably the most awkward day of my entire life. i realized this somewhere between;
-missing my bus at 9 am, arriving in Vancouver two hours late
-tripping down some skytrain steps
-losing my friend in a crowd of thousands (twice).
-almost having to sleep in some grass outside the bus depot (which is what i would have done last night, if i didn't find my said friend).

and there are thousands of other small/ somewhat pointless stories, which i won't bug you with... weeell... maybe over some coffee.

so. I'm in Vancouver. Last night i decided to check out some fireworks, at English Bay, and there just so happened to be half a million people huddled besided the ocean, watching thousands of dollars worth of sparks, colors, and light colliding with the reflection of the pacific ocean.

The fact that fireworks are set off beside the ocean makes everything hugely better.

so then every person in vancouver, and their mom, walked down Denman, Robson, and Davie street to get home, followed by police on motorcycles and giant horses (which was very intimidating, i must say)

It was really cool. a few times I would look ten blocks down the road and see the giant wave of people filling the four lane streets like a giant parade... this is something you should do at least once, if not 5 times.

~

Before that me and Heather (who is going to dislike me greatly for referencing her, as i am sure she shares my dislike for being referenced online) walked down commercial drive for awhile. some stuff we managed to do;

- Cappuchinos at JJ Bean
- purchased tea from Ten Thousand Villages
- looked at pictures at an artsy print-store.
- shopped for murses (man purse) at a hemp store... though, i could not decide on one... maybe next time.
- considered buying an alpaca sweater. again, maybe next time.
-ate some been donairs

- wandered into commercial street park for an outdoor concert / event. It took about 5 minutes for me to realize that the event was a "Gay Pride" gathering... ha ha. i had to laugh at that.

- walked down some sidestreets and pointed out which houses we would like to live in... i love how quiet some of those sidestreets are.
- watched "the bourne ultimatum", which was actually really sweet/awesome/yeah.

So, anyway, I'm sorry if this entry has seemed blah/a little lifeless/un-prosy. i was awake for a good 20 hours yesterday, and you would be surprised how many diverse and ranging emotions one can feel in that amount of time.

Getting far away from home can do that to you. In the past two years I've had a lot of running away from home, then running back wondering why i left in the first place. Its the grace of being a backpacker, i suppose.

more later, once i try this "sleep" thing everyone is talking about. possible plans for today
- stanley park
- buying pants at Mountain Equpiment co-op
-touring old downtown churches (maybe next time).
- prose
- a pint of maple-cream ale
- purchasing an artsy man-purse

we'll see.

-Adam