so you drank coffee instead

so you drank you're mandatory cup of coffee,
it still wasn't enough.
it's not working anymore,
those same old things we try,
we try...

so you stared at the sky for half an hour,
wondering what to think.
whether to study, whether to walk,
to choose blue skies tinged with yellow,
or black coffe with brown. you cry
we try.

so you took that last walk from home,
to you're dorm room so you could study,
instead you sleep and pray for rest,
trying to fix you're mind.
and you drank coffee instead
it wasn't enough, still you try,
you try.

i always drink coffee when i want to write. it's just something i do. theres just something about a well made (french pressed) cup of coffee that gets me thinkin'. even though i have an exam that i barely studyed for in an hour, and a million things to stuff into two days before i run to the island for two weeks.

so i say, just let it slide. do what i can with what little time i have, and go. i don't have time to stuff information into my head, so i say why try and bring rest to my head so what little information i have from course material doesen't just get boogged down by useless stress and worry, or whatever.

likewise, if i could accomplish everything in tow days i would be a hero. if i could devote hours of time to people i love (love, not used in a loose sense here), and hours on my house, and catching up on reading, writing, doctors appointments, and personal meanderings- it's just too much. i have to let some of it go- leave some things for later, choosing priorities.

but, i don't know where to begin. thats always the struggle with looking at a pile of options, wondering where to start unpacking the mess. it always starts with despair. which priorites are more important? hard to say, harder to think.

it's like that for a student. from what i've learned so far, from weeks of stress and anxiety, it's that trying to sort things out in my head, with my thoughts, is never a good option. getting things into perspective, on paper in an organized fasion seems like a better option. then again, it's too late. i have to wait until i get home from holidays, and school starts up again to start trying new plans to avoid anxiety.

then again, i don't feel like waiting. i just want to get things done. sigh. i'm getting sick of how i take care of things. nothing seems to work the way i would expect, or predict, it to. life can just be unpredictable- then we realize our best laid plans can't protect us from the unexpected.

just let it go. i need to be reminded every so often. why carry our burdens when we can give them away? bleh. i just don't know.