...and its more than i can handle

things to talk about (not interesting, but whatever);

one) I was reading some of my old poems, in my secret journals (oooo. mysterious. i can hear the owls hooting in the background... whoot!), and man... i am a very sad person. i was feeling down last night, and even most of the day at work, because of my little trip into not-so-far-past-thoughts.

but, i guess thats one of the good things about poetry- you get to express the lousy sadnesses, which are not always a joy to talk about.

two) i haven't felt a lot like writing lately. what else is new? (my thoughts and feelings are always on a gradual shift from low to high to low). the reason, i think, is that i have started to hate work less... and thus, i have changed my mindset from hating work and loving being at home, to disliking sitting around home and working all day.

its a weird shift to make. i'm going to work some Saturdays, so the mindset will return to normal.

three) i'm trying to take days off work, which always feels like an awkward thing to do, so i can spend some weekends in Vancouver. i'm thinking english bay, the drive, some "celebration of lights" action, and... hm.... maybe some granville island fun. we'll see.

well, until then i'll be counting the days, so work goes fast. and after all this travelling i will contin ue to count the days, remembering all the fun. with those two key strategies to "make time fly" in place, i should be in school in no time.

four) i really need to stop spending so much time on ze computer. i really should be reading, writing, and conversing (all of which can be done from the safety of my own couch). and, i should really be spending my time online managing the cash i am earning, and figuring out how i can give some of it away to better causes... better, that is, than my cause of wanting candy. that is a lame cause.

i've been telling myself that for the past two months. one of these days, it might actually happen
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five) it seems like no matter how many books i read / buy, there is always someone around to remind me which books i should be reading... apart from the ones i've already bought... grrrr.

why do i even buy books? for my current situation, i really don't need to. my current situation being that i live beside a college, with a library, filled with all the books that i should read (like Travelling Mercies, or some Wendell Barry).

and its funny, the job that i will be doing for the next two weeks at my job is washing bookshelves in the library. so, i will literally have to pick up every single book in the library, keeping a long subconscious list of good sounding book titles, to remind me of how little i read in ratio of how much i spend on books...ah!

i'm getting a lot of book titles read. thats one good thing. it is a very humbling (slash tedious) experience.

six) i changed my mind on this one. the CD that is defining my summer is "The Message: Psalms".

and i've had a lot of the songs from the "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" soundtrack in my head... like that one Five For Fighting song. so good. maybe its my subconscious telling me i should travel... and that i should wear pants.

stupid subconscious. its making my whole plan of "not having fun or enjoying life, but only focusing on work" plan difficult. i'm feeling a real conviction, as so many punk rock songs have told me about before, to live life.

(the movie that has define my summer so far- Stranger than Fiction).

ok. i'll leave you alone now. unless you want to come over, and share coffee with me. that would be nice. Ethical Addictions has a very nice Guatemalan. it kind of tastes like dirt.


-Adam.