i'm not articulate everyday.
i wish just one good day would last longer,
wish the ratio, the range, were not so unbalanced.
i wish one good morning would last all afternoon.
i was looking back at some old entries, where my writing seems to have a good flow, strong transition, and solid conclusion. it seems like these kinds of entries only show up once or twice a year, when i feel inspired and content with myself, for the short span of a couple hours that i happen to feel good.
i'll slow down, and explain what i'm talking about. since i left high school, i feel like i've only had a handful of "good days"- days when i feel right about myself, and where i feel good about what kind of life i'm in. on those days i feel confident, outgoing, outspoken... all that good stuff that is supposed to be social accaptability.
i can't control which days are good. i mean, i've tried to force good days, but they just turn out awkward. does anyone know what i mean?
i'm always wondering why i can't have more days of feeling good about myself, days where thoughts flow with ease, days where i'm not fighting waves of down-ness. i have to ask God everday, why can't i feel like i'm socially on top of things all the time? why the long periods of time when all i can think about is how off i feel? i hope i'm not alone in this.
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2 comments:
I get what u are talking about. i have those pretty often too. i mean i push myself to live out of the ordinary everyday but alot of the time i find myself questioning the same issue. I do have good days where i am loving life but there are always downers. Like things im not liking about myself or that i am confused about.---Chantel Urschel
I know the feeling.Sometimes, you just wake up and know that your going to have a bad day.Sometimes you have weeks or months like that. You just wonder why. It happens to me all the time. Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own negativity and downness that I subtly without even knowing it was making myself more depressed and upset or holding myself from moving out of it.
For me, it was like post christatic stress disorder or something.I became Christian and everything was dandy, then six months later I had a rough spot and struggled with getting through the day happy or even the week. It was an uphill battle of learning how to breathe again. My old "comforts" of tough times were gone, because I gave them up becoming Christian.
The lesson I learnt, was that I had forgotten about all the good things in life and had neglected my own value. I dwelt on myself and my iniquities. The more I focused on what was wrong with myself, the more depressed I got.The more I focused on what was wrong with me, the more I coveted what I did not have and I wanted. What turned me around was realizing that had so much to be thankful for.And realizing that I'm sure as hell not perfect and sure as hell not happy .But if I don't keeping sitting here distracted by my faults I'm not going to get much farther or closer to what I need. It took many humbling experiences and a slap in the face from a few good friends but I got out of my "bad day" spell.
Thats my story. I know how you feel. Unstable socially and mentally. You'll never be on top of everything, but the best place to start is for your friends prayers. Try this, if you don't already. When you wake up in the morning before you do anything. Thank God for life. Then ask him to take seize of your day and let it be his for you have the understanding you cannot fullfill what needs he needs done. Because true happiness come from serving God.....yeah corny....you'll get over it.
Anyways thats my story and my 2 cents. It's more like a $1.50 but peace out homie.
I know how you feel. Sometimes bad days are just random, it's part of life.
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