In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing
-sufjan stevens
almost hit by a car today,
thought it was turning but it went straight.
driver looked frustrated, didn't care.
almost broke down right there.
lost control this morning,
waking up wasn't all that fun.
can't clear my thoughts enough for comfort,
almost broke down there.
the things i fight for to find rest,
only leave me lonely.
face looked empty in the mirror,
almost broke down right there.
the absence of roommates is not as good as i thought it would be, i say to myself sitting in my lving room, behind my cluttered coffee table and blank TV. i have learned a difficult lesson today- that i need my roommates to balance out my life. without them, it is quiet all the time. solitude turns into loneliness without community.
so, i've, officially, felt very lonely in the past three days. my goals of doing homework have changed into listening to hours of music, drinking pots of tea, cooking pastas and chilis with friends, and watching somber oscar-nominated movies. (the queen, flags of our fathers).
its very poetic, and shakespearean. i have exactly what i wanted- time alone. anyway, i don't feel like telling stories, so i'll tell you the rest of my daily update like this;
gave blood for the first time yesterday,
right arm was too tense, so they tried the left,.
felt lightheaded after, so they made me lie down.
almost laughed. it seemed funny to me.
had a dream about my dad,
yelled at my roommate in it,
felt good to finally say some things,
i'll say them someday, when life is less extreme.
life if too profound today.
bring me back to the daily life,
before i lose my place.
-adam
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