hiding in the paper, pretending not to hear

So, it has turned out to be a fine Christmas. Today has been a lot of hanging out with friends, eating bad "chinese" food, smoking cigars, and pints of Keith's.

And watching the traditional Christmas movies: The Santa Clause, Home Alone, Almost Famous.

A Christmas Journal Chapter 5: Lessons of a Christmas alone.

- You need something to start the day. Without something to start the day, it becomes hours of nothing.

- Malls, even though filled with many people, will only make you feel more alone.

- In some cases it is better to go out for tea. It gives you an excuse to get out of the house.

- Red Peppers are not in season during the Christmas season.

- Yams and Sweet Potatoes, however, are (I think).

- I need to figure out some way to become more confident. Less depressed about life.

My roommate called me on that today. He told me I have to start talking about what is depressing me, work through it. I have to agree. Something I'll have to think about this year.

- I need to build up friendships, for those times when the community of school is not around. Though, there is hope in knowing I have a community to come back to, after all this.

- This home thing. I don't think I'm sincerely pursuing something called "home". As much as I'm just identifying with feeling sad/lost. A better thing to pursue could be as simple as honest/sincere conversations.

I don't know. This all seems like just another late-night desperate attempt at answers, trying to feel like I have at least one small aspect of my life figured out.

I think I do have a lot figured out. Now, its just a matter of accepting that. Accepting that, yeah, I'm a mess, but I do have a lot of wisdom to offer. I have said it before; How can you love someone else if you do not love yourself? How can you offer love to someone if you don't feel like the love you have to offer is any good? How can you offer your passions and gifts to someone unless you recognize how valid those things are?

something like that. I still have a lot to learn.

- The way to figure out who you are is through relationships. People that love me see things in me that I do not see in myself.

- Having deep moments of reflection is what being in your 20s is all about.
- I need to learn how to listen.

So. Thus is my first Christmas away from home, trying to learn something about myself. The journey continues.

All the best. Talk to you next week.

- Adam

Listening: Sufjan (this song is a gift for you).
Thinking: You
Feeling: Lonely
Sorry: This entry was so long.