red tea and lighthouses

1) i think there is a cheesy, sentimental quality to some of the poems i write. in true disney princess movie style they are the kind that make you roll you're eyes, as if to say "welcome to the real world". i think. i had to start this entry with a very random thought in order to lose you're attention.

2) i finally made it home yesterday. the 6 hour ride was brutal. travelling alone is a real drag. the ferry ride had its moments though. i've never ridden the victoria/twassen ferry before, which, for those people who have taken it know, it is a big impressive ferry. i've always just taken the crappy nanaimo ferrys, that are either stuck in the 80s or the late 90s. the victoria ferry has two floors of seating, and an incredible amount of space.

and, the ride itself is a lot more interesting that the nanaimo routes. the ferry in nanaimo travels across an open span of water, to wherever. the victoria ferry takes a detour between two islands. i remember standing out on the ferry deck as the ferry passed through the two islands, seeing houses built on the coasts of the islands. and it was quiet. i can't imagine a more quiet and solutidinous (is that a word) place to live... other than weird farm houses in the boonies, or manitoba.

one of the houses has a lighthouse, which drove my imagination. i imagined living in that place, spending long nights kept awake beaming glow of the light beside my house, listening to the ocean roll into the rocks, with the occasional fog-horn and sea shanty sung by passing fisherman (ha ha, i have a weird imagination). its now on the offical list of places i would like to live in if i ever decide to go crazy, become a writer, and get paid to write prose.

3) when i was in nanaimo, wishing i could just go home to abbotsford, i envisioned home to be some completely safe place. i thought all my problems would be easier to deal with if i were home. like paying bills and writing. as soon as i walked into the door i realized, nothing has changed. messes left in my room are still lying around. unsinished food is still in the fridge. i am just as comfortable with my room-mates now, then when i left.

so i've realized, home must be some kind of constant. when i would go home to nanaimo everything would be the same. but i would be different. and its the same way with coming to my new home. everything is the same.

on the ither hand my idea of home is always changing, because i'm always changing. my ideas, my perspectives, how i understand the world is always shifting.

so i guess what i have actually realized is the need to always search for home. for now i'm comfortable in abbotsford. it feels safe enough. but who knows, i will probably find a new place to call home eventually. home is where i change. where i feel safe.

home is a lot of things.

4) i realized that the one thing i was waiting for in 2007 was the new lifehouse album. now i think i'm waiting to find... i don't really know... some place to rest.