writing in a library

The typical life of a college student / me on a saturday morning- sitting on my couch until 11 mulling over Tyler Perry movies with a cup of blackberry tea.

~

A little known secret about me- my mom and her friends and I used to watch Tyler Perry movies, back in the good old days of me going back and forth between here and Nanaimo, before she moved to Washington (Perry's notable film is "Diary of a Mad Black Woman). We saw "Madea's Family Reunion" when it first came out, and there was the whole of 5 of us in the entire theatre.

They are not really good films by any means, but there is the occasional good line that speaks great truth, stuck in the mix of semi-ok acting.

So, while I was watching one of these said films this morning I had a small epiphany- and usually, as I always say, the best epiphanies catch us off guard in unexcpected places (most of my best epiphanies happen when I'm taking a shower. another little known secret).

So here it is- I'm a really cynical person towards aspects of the Christian faith, because I study it at college, and because I grew up in and around it. A friend of mine told me last week that being cynical towards the Church, and the Christian culture, would only be damaging to my character.

Cynicism is not a good thing. In my experience cynism can be defined as judging the acts of the whole based upon negative experiences with a few. In other words, if I was to have a negative experience at a church, I feel like I can judge the Church itself. Or I come across a bad christian movie, and judge all christians because of it.

It's not a healthy way to live, I don't think. Why don't I use energy I waste on being cynical on recognizing the love of community I have instead? Or doing some serious self-examination?

And I'm sure, at the very root of my cynicism, is my own insecurity. I'm not sure how to deal with my hurt, so I project it onto something else- which seems like a very human response to hurt.

Hmm. Thought of the day.

you must have fallen from the sky

I thought yesterday's post kind of sucked, so here is a better one.



I have a hard time trying to be concise when I am a) drinking coffee and b) am wrestling with my perceptions of love as opposed to the actual reality of love (I watched "Paris je'taime" last night and the many perspectives of love are battling it out in my head. bah).

Such a thought is, arguably, not something that needs to be wrestled with necessarily. Rather, this might be one of those questions that works itself over time and experience (and with wisdom to accompany said experience).

At least this is what I wish for myself. I wish for love to be a process with, eventually, grows me and stretches me. I like to think that God has the universe more intricately composed than I could ever comprehend. And if the universe is that intricately placed, then how much more is the relational aspect of my life taken care of?

Love is something I don't want to worry about constantly, sometimes.

Just a thought. I feel like a mess today.

we do know fear

So, apparently, there is an unwritten set of rules for blogging no-one ever told me about. Among them, all of which I have probably broken many a time, are:

a) Using too many commas
b) Discussing more than one subject each entry
c) Failing to unite a long commentary with a witty, slightly facetious, one-liner.
d) Using big words
e) Being either to honest or too vague
f) Creating a fake persona (as opposed to being the same person both online and inlife).
g) posting pictures of new-born children

Ok, so I haven't broken that last rule yet.... and I never will!

So... I'm not really up for trying to unpack how I'm feeling into a charming work of prose- as important as being completely honest is (I'll make it up to you). Rather, I'm going to leave you a list of movies you ought to see, if you haven't seen a good movie lately.

Once
The Dead Poet's Society
Babette's Feast
Lars and the Real Girl
Dan in Real Life
The Big Kahuna
Beyond the Sea
Good Will Hunting
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (Hey, stop lauging. I like chick-flicks).
~

"Mercy and truth have met together. Righteousness and bliss shall kiss one another. Man, in his weakness and shortsightedness believes he must make choices in this life. He trembles at the risks he takes. We do know fear. But no. Our choice is of no importance.

There comes a time when our eyes are opened and we come to realize that mercy is infinite. We need only await it with confidence and receive it with gratitude.

Mercy imposes no conditions. And lo! Everything we have chosen has been granted to us. And everything we rejected has also been granted. Yes, we even get back what we rejected. For mercy and truth have met together, and righteousness and bliss shall kiss.

- Lorens, from "Babette's Feast"

- Adam

loneliness and ginger tea

sometimes i read my past blogs... and i am embarassed.

does anyone think i'm dwellng too much on my "being alone"? just say yes. i'll admit, it, i'm a pretty lonely guy sometimes. and, i get bummed about the fact that i'm single a lot. i'm pretty much like every other single guy who goes to CBC

but whatever. i like being single right now. it's always a challenge trying to enjoy the gift of "singleness", without always being anxious about it, or as bible school men put it "on the prowl" looking for miss right. alright guys, lets all stop worrying about the hunt for a "ring by spring" and start treating women as our sisters (who we, assumably, treat well). i think women deserve more than our cheesy one-liners, serial-crushing, and generally self-seeking ways.

so, maybe i should stop dwelling on my aloness and give people some calls. or go for more walks of solitude, and write less blogs... or just go for more walks (advice i have officially given to myself).

in other news, i have a lousy cough that i've taken about 5 or so different things to try and fight. one of which is a harsh home-style tea consisting of fresh ginger, lemon, and maple syrup. hooo! has some nice kick to it.

anyway, blah, this is the worst blog i've ever written. now that i have complely cheapened everything i wrote about in my last blog, i am calling it a day.